The Times, They Are A Changin'

As most of you know, Taylor and I are expecting a wonderful addition to our family in February.  We found out last week that it's a little boy and we've decided to name him Daniel Bryan.  Daniel for Taylor's middle name and Bryan for one of Taylor's beloved mentors.  We couldn't be happier. I can't quite put into words all of the feelings that I'm having about this life-changing event.  I'm terrified but excited.  Overjoyed yet doubtful.  And I suppose that every new mother goes through these emotions. 
It's fun to experience all of the little flutters that Daniel makes.  And literally see him grow, even if the only evidence is my continuously bulging stomach.  And I try to relish the feeling of it all.  To enjoy every last moment because I'm so scared that it will all just...go away.  And it's hard not to think like that.  It's hard not to remember that I could have already been a mommy.  And it's silly to mourn a child that really wasn't there, but it was real for me.  I try not to think about it, but when you feel a kick at 3:30 in the morning that wakes you up from an already fitful sleep your mind tends to wander.
But the point of this isn't to be depressing or gloomy.  I had to share the darkness of my worries and thoughts to really help you understand how grateful I am.
It's hard to believe that I have the opportunity to be a mom.  I know that there are women out there that are far more qualified and deserving.  Not that I'm a terrible person, but I know that I'm a very selfish person.  Years alone and having to take care of myself have nurtured that awful characteristic.  Taylor has been so patient with me over the past few years (can't believe that next week will be our 3 year anniversary).  But even with his patience, I'm still leagues behind what is necessary for what most would call a good mother.  However, I am going to continue to try and learn.  If there's one thing I hate, it's being stagnant.  I love the challenge that change brings.  I enjoy the opportunity to grow.  So though I may not feel worthy right now, I know that I've been blessed with a wonderful opportunity to become a good mom.  I realize that it's going to take a lot of humility on my part.  I know that I can't do this on my own.  There's no possible way that I can have all the answers without having ever done this.  I'm grateful for a husband that is loving and kind.  For his excitement of becoming a father and his dedication to such a call.  I don't know what I would do without his support.  I love that he willingly comes with me to my appointments and makes sure that I'm doing what is necessary for the baby.  I love that he loves this child, as it is right now, as much as I do.  I know that with him, I'm not alone in not only the joys of this pregnancy, but the woes as well.  I'm also especially grateful for the many family members and friends that have lent their support, ears, and hearts.  It's great to have such a network of knowledge and experience. 
Most important, I'm grateful for a Heavenly Father that has faith in me and loves me.  The scariest part of this, is knowing that though Daniel will be my son, he is His son too.  And with that comes a huge responsibility.  To know that what I do in the rearing up of my children can effect the chances of having them with me throughout eternity is nerve-wracking.  But it does provide excellent motivation to strive constantly to have His spirit with me.  To seek His counsel and guidance. 
I'm amazed at the capacity of love I feel for this baby.  I'm astounded by the desire he instills in me to be better.  Obviously I want to be a good person for my own benefit.  But I want to become a great mom for my family.  As I stated before, I cherish every little moment of the life growing inside of me.  I'm not going to take it for granted, even though I may complain about it sometimes.  I'm excited for the adventure that lays before us, and not just for Taylor and I.  I'm excited for both sets of our parents to experience being grand-parents.  To hear the joy in their voices is honestly one of the most gratifying sounds.  The proud words from a parent to child (even a child-in-law) is something that many of us strive to hear.  
Life for us is taking on new responsibilities and new meaning.  Things are changing and I think we're finally ready to see what it all has in store for us.